Sunday, February 26, 2012

Hello, Meet My Soul

So, I know I already talked about A Blog About Love and how awesome they are. But I couldn't help but share the same Ted Talk by Brene Brown they posted earlier this month, because after watching it today I realized that my fear of vulnerability is the Beast that I have to conquer in order to be Me to the fullest extent. To be able to love the way I want to, the way Christ loves. So first, you should watch it if you haven't yet.

When we truly represent ourselves, there will be those who reject us, which can be oh so painful, but those who receive us in our true and imperfect form, will truly love us. Not who I wish I was, but who I really am.

So, now I have to figure out when I'm not being true to myself. Are the times I'm being quiet really a part of who I am, as a people watcher, or am I just being guarded? Where is that line between being too open- where people start to squirm (TMI!), and being refreshingly bold? How do I continue to set goals for myself without becoming critical of who I am? What should I want as opposed to what I think I should want out of life?

Monday, February 13, 2012

Can I have yo' number?

So, I did it. I took the step into utter darkness and moved across the country without a job to depend on. Just myself, two checked bags, a carry-on and a personal item bursting to the seams. I also wore a ridiculous amount of clothing. My neighborhood is full of rows and rows of homes that look like this:

I love it. It's beautiful.

My roommates have been super nice and helpful. So nice, in fact, that one of them took me swing dancing with her Saturday night! There was a live band that was really great, and played a lot of classic songs that if I was more cultured I would recognize. My dancing was pretty horrible. Probably should have taken that intro to social dance class instead of the beginning tap dance class that I did take (I knew I wouldn't have to hold any sweaty hands in that one at least). Several of my dance partners laughed at me as I twirled when I wasn't supposed to, and stood still when I was supposed to. Although there was one that was quite taken with me. However, I was not quite as taken with him. When he asked for my number I was unprepared and forgot how to say no. So I started saying my number, and then changed the last number so that he would end up calling someone else...cowardly I know.

I did not expect him to call me right then. While I was dancing with him. So that I would kindly have his number too.

I knew I would have seconds before someone else picked up or the answering machine for some dude started playing. And I would be right there, "Yeah, I totally just lied to you and gave you a wrong number...should we finish this dance?" I didn't like the sound of that, so in my panic I come up with, " Oh! You know, I actually just changed my number, totally forgot, it's actually..."
The fact that it was only a digit different didn't through him off at all. So now I have to figure out how to respond if he actually calls. Suggestions?